A Letter to My FFK

Dear Former Fat Kid,

We need to talk.

It’s been 3 years since this journey started and you keep hanging around.  It’s been a collective 46kgs that I have lost since starting my mission, and I’m a little tired of your negativity. Because of you, I lost weight, gained it back and tried again.  I don’t want to do that again!

I’ve actually done an amazing thing, been incredibly determined and dedicated to this journey, and now that I am doing it the right way, it’s time for you to leave.  For the past three years, you have clung onto me like a bad case of shingles.  You won’t let me move on and I really need for you to let me go.  Let me release my insecurities that you insist on hanging over my head.  Let me finally rid myself of that big girl complex that you can’t seem to shake.  Just let me be.

I have come a long way since the first time I decided to drop the weight, now why can’t I drop you?  Why do you insist on hanging around and making me second guess myself?  Why won’t you let me relish in the accomplishments that I should be celebrating?  Why can’t you just let me focus on my progress, rather than point out what I still have to achieve.

Former Fat Kid, you are a bitch.

Body shaming from other people is awful, but not nearly as terrible as when you remind me that I still have hanging skin on my stomach.  It’s not nearly as bad as when you point out that I still have some cellulite on my legs, and it sure as hell is easier to deal with than your constant doubt!  Stop it! Stop filling my head with doubt and worry.  I’ve got this, FFK, I don’t need you anymore.

Yes, you were there for me when I needed thick skin to fight off the soul crushing comments from passersby.  Yes, you were there for me when I needed a good excuse for why I was eating so much crap, but that’s over now – and so are we.

You were useful to me once, when I didn’t want to come to terms with my problem with food.  You were the perfect little liar when I needed to tell people that I was fine in my own skin.  But, I don’t need you to be useful for me anymore.

I have got this.  I have finally gotten my life under control, and I don’t want to keep you hanging around.   I don’t need you to tell me to buy the size 12 pants instead of an 8, I don’t need that self-doubt and size 12 would be a tent on me now.  Stop making me look at myself with repulsion, because the girl I still see in the mirror isn’t there anymore.

You’re making my life difficult. You make me awkward and uncomfortable around people because your insecurities are drowning me.

I’m sorry that it has come to this, but I’m over you.  I don’t need you in my life anymore.  We are done.

Thank you for helping me weather the criticism that this journey has brought me, it has taught me a lot about myself.  Thank you for being the reason why I chose to change my life, without you I would never have achieved what I have achieved.

Dear Former Fat Kid, your work here is done.


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