When life gives you lemons…

Dear Diary,

Can February end already?

The trouble with being perpetually positive and focused is that when you fall, you’re going to fall so hard. That sums up what February has been for me – a massive fall. I have been so focused on this journey for the longest time that I think I just got tired. Tired of eating whenever an alarm goes off. Tired of feeling sore when I wake up at 4:00 to go and do my cardio. Tired of missing out on moments with my family because I’m so busy. And I am, I am so busy with this obsession with my body that I’ve forgotten what the point is. Well, at least I thought I did.

I was inches away from just giving up last week. I was done. I am not an athlete, I’m not good at sport – I’m an overweight mom who used to chain smoke. That’s the problem though, all of these things that I am not are consuming me. I am not overweight anymore.  I am not a chain smoker who is minutes away from her first heart attack. I am not unhealthy anymore. So why do I keep letting my mind think that I am?

I’ve been trawling the internet for weeks trying to find other comp preppers who feel this way, and I can’t. It made me wonder if I was just a weak little cry baby who can’t cut it in this very, VERY intense sport. Until I realized that their story wouldn’t help me anyway because we’re different people on different journeys.

70 Diet

This mission – my mission –  is 70% diet, 30% training and 100% mindset, and I forgot that. I forgot that what I tell myself is more important than what any google search could give me! I am not a natural athlete, I have to work so much harder than the average gym goer because of it, but I will and I do!

I keep telling women to speak to themselves with love, but I don’t do that for myself. I keep telling people to refer to themselves as athletes because they are, but I still call myself fat.

My logic is shit.

My coach, George Herwill, is probably the most incredible trainer in South Africa. I suspect that pretty soon he’ll be taking over the world, so I’m going to start taking selfies so people believe that I train with him. George formed a formidable team of athletes called Team G Elite, which is something on my goal heart and something that I want to achieve for 2016. Becoming part of this elite force only happens when you kick so much ass at the various competitions throughout the year that you can’t help but be noticed – in case you missed it, I like being noticed.

I have the overwhelming honour of training with these insane athletes on a regular basis. These guys are demolishing goals and misconceptions about the fitness industry, one rep at a time (see what I did there?). They welcomed this not-so-overweight, former chain smoker in with open arms and made me feel like family – so shouldn’t my jannie jammergat moment end already?

Like Team G on Facebook

Thankfully, it has! Yes, I’ve been ill this month (twice!), I’m tired and I feel like I’m not making any progress, but I am on the mend and have actually made some great progress. I am still working toward Rossi, and I am still going to work my ass off to make myself, my coach and my family proud. I’ve got this!

This month I have learned that to succeed, you need to be stronger than your self-doubt. You also need to be tough as nails to survive competition prep and that I’m not a fat Kidd anymore!

8 weeks out

Not everyone will understand why you’re doing this, and not everyone needs to. This is my mission, my fall and this is how I pick myself up again.

Watch this space.



2 thoughts on “When life gives you lemons…”

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