Split happens

I will be the first to admit that I have a flair for the dramatics. Most of the time the drama isn’t even real, but I add it anyway. Every now and then you experience the kind of day that makes people cringe. You experience the kind of day that makes you chuckle nervously and clench your butthole a little. Today is that day for me.

Today started off like any typical day would in my household. My alarm went off at 4am and I ignored it for as long as I could, it was PC’s turn to get Riley ready for school so I had a bit more time to faff this morning. Olivia is on heat and keeping us up at night (and yes, we are getting the girls fixed before it’s too late), so we were both exhausted this morning.

No morning is complete without an #OOTD flay lay

It’s been a pretty typical Tuesday for me and I was pretty certain that the day would be typically Tuesday as it progressed. I was stuck in traffic on my way to the office as I typically am, and I took a bit too long faffing so had to eat my breakfast at the office. Something I’m not entirely fond of doing, but there is nothing like a split bag of oats over your boobs to remind you that you should be firmer with your routines.


I’m getting ahead of myself though, as I left the house this morning, my first hiccup of the day started. The first black mark against this typical Tuesday occurred when Nozi commented on how fat I am getting. Now I know that it wasn’t meant in a nasty way, she’s a peach and was pleased that I was healthy and it showed up on my butt. What I  heard that I’m a heifer who needs to eat a salad. I want to say that I thought nothing of it, that I went about my day without a hitch, but it did linger in the back of my mind.

How split zips start…

Things were okay for a moment, I was at my desk and chipping away at my tasks for the day like a champion (if I do say so myself). I salvaged my oats and was enjoying the bitter refreshment of half a grapefruit, that’s when it happened. That is when the single most embarrassing thing of my life (well, today at least) happened. A rogue sneeze crept up on me and the force behind it split the zip on my dress. I am not even kidding about that.

There I was, on the third floor of a massive corporation, flashing my business to whoever could see me. I’ve never been so grateful for a filing cabinet and Slack. Thankfully the day was saved by the most wonderful of wonders, Heather rushed to my rescue like the knight in a pixie cut we all need.  I have never wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole as much as I wanted it today. Truth be told, I have never wanted anything as badly as the need to disappear on a whim today. I couldn’t (disappear) and it didn’t (swallow me whole).

Me contemplating how to grab onto that wagon again.

I know that I’ve gained a little bit of weight, but man the reality of your zip stripping is the stuff nightmares are made of. I do want to say that I’m totes over it, but I’m not and not because of the embarrassment of flashing my ass (and lumo pink panties to everyone behind me), but because of the disappointment. The disappointment that I’ve slipped back again and that I needed to pick up the pieces, AGAIN. It made me a little sad that I keep doing this to myself, that WE keep doing this to ourselves. I’m sad that we allow our self-sabotage to have such a strong hold over us that we do backpedal the way that we do.

It’s such bullshit that we don’t acknowledge the frikken amazing things we achieve, but focus on what we still haven’t done. That is something that I have vowed to change this year, I want to be proud of everything I do, not of the things that I hope to someday achieve. Because, let’s be real here, that day may never come and we’re wasting our good years on waiting for a moment to celebrate that may never happen.

So, my zip stripped today and I was exposed. I also had a support system rush to my rescue because I needed it so badly and I survived. This is the tale that I lived to tell and this is the lesson that I have learned – split happens. I can lose the weight again, I’ll fix the damn zip and I now have a really funny story to tell.

Until next time, I’m on social media here and here.




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