Dear Diary

Letting go of the “When I Have”

There is a pretty good chance that you have the same problem as I do, you probably have a case of the When I Haves. That’s okay because it seems like everyone does.

Like any child of the 2000’s, I’ve read The Secret and The Power by Rhonda Byrnes. I’ve actually got the audiobooks on Audible as I type this, so I’ve always considered myself a spiritually enlightened person. I thought that I was connected to the universe and myself at a higher level, but it turns out that I’m really not.

josh-felise-79105The Secret and The Power both warn against feeling anything but overwhelming (and damn-near unnatural) happiness and love – but for some of us, that only happens when we achieve our when I have. You know what I mean, that thing you keep looking at for happiness that you’re desperate for. It could be anything that you think you need to be happy, like a new job or a great partner. We constantly put off our happiness for these events that may or may never happen and we eternally deprive ourselves of the now.

Okay wait, this post probably should have come with a disclaimer – my health and wellness journey is going beyond just the physical. 


Now that that is out of the way, back to the topic on hand – letting go of holding onto something that isn’t going to happen. You’ve probably done that before too, you’ve created a goal for your life that your happiness relies on. You have convinced yourself that the only way you could possibly be happy is when you reach your goal – how ridiculous? I used to think that the only way I’d ever be happy is if I got married… well, I’m married now, so where is my instant happiness? We seem to think that achieving your when I have will be an instant shot of euphoria, like a shot of tequila or vitamin B injection… we expect to feel something instantly. That’s obviously not how this works.

I’ve started meditating each evening so that I can become closer to who I really am, and figure out what my goals truly are. I believe we all have a purpose on this earth, we aren’t here by accident and until we let go of our when I have belief, how can we actually thrive? It dawned on me recently that by waiting for something I don’t already have to feel happiness, I’ll never experience happiness.

Reading The Secret did give me the knowledge that you attract the energy that you put out to the world. I’ve seen this Law of Attraction transpire in my own life regularly, naturally, I never realized that it was what I was sending out into the world that kept bringing back the crappy moments. How could it be me? I was going to be happy as soon as my when I have happened.


A big wake up happened for me when I was asked to speak at my cousin’s memorial service. He passed away unexpectedly 4-months ago and it really affected us as a family. He was vivacious, heroic and practically the shining beacon of living a life at full tilt – he was my idol. His death reminded me that we are only here on borrowed time if I were to die tomorrow, what would my legacy be?

Here lies Cashé Collocott. She hoped for happiness when she had a better…

We only have one moment to make the most of your life, and only we can fill our lives with happiness and love. Spoiler alert, no one else is responsible for your happiness but you. You have to treat yourself like a newborn baby, with care and kindness – smother yourself with love and be genuinely happy without a goal carrot dangling at the end of a stick to feel it.

There is no such thing as happily ever after unless you make it so. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter for more real talk, snappy snaps and fun.

Until next time.





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