Dear Diary

Help! I’m an Ego Maniac

I’m currently eating my feelings after an argument with my husband. They’re Smart Bite biscuits and I have tracked them on MyFitnessPal, but I’m still using my victim brain to justify my behaviour and I’m willing to bet that you do this too.

Every now and then I reminisce about all the obstacles that I’ve had to endure in my lifetime. I often tease that I’ve been through so much that I’m basically a Grandma Rose GIF from Titanic at this point. Oh, poor little me – aren’t I the bravest, little victim of life?

So I had an argument with my husband. Yes, all couples argue, but with us, it’s the most painful thing we have to endure – I hate arguing with Paul. I was really frustrated with him because he was disregarding my feelings. He was being so selfish because he didn’t recognize my emotions and he was playing the victim when I’d sacrificed so much for him. That was when it hit me – the other person was me. 

The things that were driving me crazy during our argument were the very things that I was guilty of. Instead of being sympathetic and hearing him out, I just launched into why I was butthurt about the argument. Instead of actively seeking a solution with him, I just kept going back to how I was being badly done by. I’d let my victim mentality take control of the situation and that bitch is petty.


sylwia-bartyzel-87907This made me realize that not only do I rely on the comfort zone of my self-pity, but I genuinely get upset when my victim brain isn’t acknowledged.

Isn’t that effed up? Surely, I can’t be alone with this and a quick browse of my Facebook reinforces that we allow our victim brain to control our lives. This is your ego talking, it’s making sure that you don’t let go of how important YOU are, even when it really doesn’t matter.

I listen to self-help audiobooks in the car during my work commute, I’m currently absorbing Gabrielle Bernstein’s Miracles Now which gives you 108 steps toward a stress-free life.  The weirdest thing happened during the drive to the office and my phone refused to connect to the Bluetooth in my car. I’ve listened to Audible countless times through my phone, why wouldn’t it work now? I had just argued with Paul and needed that soothing, dammit!

I drove to Sandton is furious silence, just me and my selfish rage filling my little car. I went through my day, still holding onto how unnoticed my feelings were and how I was going to really lay into Paul when I got home. Then, like magic, it started to work again on my way home, and boy did I get the message.

All minds are joined

Breathing deeply hold a vision of the person whom you’ve had a conflict with and send them white light extending from your heart.

And that is exactly what I did. By doing this and realizing that I was letting my ego take control, I released my anger and frustration. I also opened up to Paul and let him and his feeling control the conversation. We’re obviously disgustingly in love again.

How often do you let your victim brain and ego rule your thoughts? I love hearing from you, so let me know in the comments below.  Follow me on Facebook and Twitter for more real talk, snappy snaps and fun.

Until next time.




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