Who are you turning to for validation? We all have little people-pleaser tendencies that linger within even the strongest of people, but where does this come from?
Who do we think we are to need the validation of someone else to matter?
Say that out loud for a moment – Whisper it if you’re shy.
Who do I think I am that I need the validation of someone else to matter?
This is the thing, it is no one’s responsibility to acknowledge or accept anything you do. You do not need to wait for approval from anyone before you acknowledge your worth. Your worth was predetermined the moment you were born.
Spoiler alert, you are priceless!
I spend so much of my energy obsessing about what other people think of me or if they like me. This is so bad, that I determine a lot of what I do based on what someone else might think of me once I do it. It was this realisation, this long lingering pain that I’ve been dealing with that I cannot let go of. My needing to be accepted by other people has held me back for years.
It has been the silent cause of a lot of trauma in my life because I take it so very personally when I don’t get the response that I need from the people I’ve put in charge of how I feel… you know, the ones who don’t know they’re in charge. I was unintentionally betrayed by someone who I gave this responsibility to.
They had no idea they were now responsible for my worth or that they’d hurt me. When the paramountcy you’ve placed on a person isn’t reciprocated, it hurts.
But where does this come from?
You need to feel loved and we’ve been conditioned to think that someone else needs to do this in order for us to matter. Can you see how totally messed up that is? We don’t need to be accepted, but we want to fit in because that’s what we’ve been told to do. How much time have you wasted trying to be someone you aren’t just to fit in?
Me? I wasted the entirety of my 20’s trying to be who I thought people wanted me to be. I put so much time and effort into other people’s opinions of me that I forgot who I am to begin with.
I have figured it out though, I am awesome and so are you.
The reality is that until you believe this without a doubt about yourself unless you learn how to be your own validation, you’ll never feel like you fit. You’ll always need someone to give you the gold star of approval that you’ll never really be happy with.
What can you do now to change this mindset? You might not like it, but here is what I’ve been doing to overcome self-worth syndrome.
This one is going to be tough, but you have to do it. Write out the first 5 things that come to mind when you think of the following:
- How I see myself.
- How others see me.
You might be awfully surprised at how similar the list is based on your own perception of who you are.
Now write out the first 5 things that come to mind when you this of this:
- What have I accomplished in my life?
- This could be anything from having beautiful babies to being a great business person.
- What do I still have to look forward to?
- Add your goals for the next few months, where you want to travel or who you want to become.
Look at your list, look at the way you think about yourself vs. how you think others see you. Learning to love yourself starts with realising that you are worth so much more than you think you are. Sometimes it takes a blog post to remind you that you and only you are responsible for your worth to wake you up.
If you love this post, share it with a friend who needs a good butt-kicking in the right direction to self-love. I’d love it if you followed me on Facebook and Instagram too!
Until next time,